The Street of Forgiveness: Reflections On The Last Judgment
The Last Judgment…Since this topic came up in the last 24 hours, the Universe has shown me many examples to deepen my awareness on the subject. Isn’t Life always that clever? I write these words, and those of recent lessons, from Calle de Los Perdones in Salamanca, Spain. Before I delve into my purpose of being here, let me bring your attention to the name of the street in which I currently reside, Calle de Los Perdones, Street of Forgiveness. Currently the church bells from a small chapel across this quiet street are beginning to ring, as if celebrating my findings in my life’s research on the Last Judgment. As the ancient, rusted metal bell goes round and round, my awareness continues towards the name of the street that lies between us, Forgiveness.
The Last Judgment is the end of forgiveness. When we no longer need our lessons to ring the bells of our awareness, we abide in a place where there can be only love. I have walked this street of forgiveness many times literally and figuratively. Now as I look down upon it with the words of the Last Judgment lingering in my head, I realize the last one to forgive is myself: forgive myself for what I have done, haven’t done, wished I could do, and those things that I have semi-attempted half-heartedly to do.
You see what has led me to Spain is my desire to deepen my understanding of this language and to walk more this beautiful land. My Walk in Miracles has led me to a place where I have humbled myself before another language that I have been studying for more than 15 years. There has always been a wall between myself and complete fluency in a language whose lineage is part of my bloodline. To me, speaking Spanish is like opening up a channel to God. Words I didn’t know, all I the sudden do. Sentences I didn’t know I could say, come effortless out of my mouth…at times. It isn’t that I am learning a language so much as I feel I am remembering one that is written on my soul. I have come to feel this about many skills and occupations in our 3-D experience. There are certain skills that just come naturally and flow like water. I do not necessarily think that a doctor studies to be doctor but more so studies in order to remember her skills as a healer. It is as though we are getting direct guidance from the Akashic Records on our specific purpose and gifts as a human beings but it sometimes looks like the form of schooling or an apprenticeship.
Yet sometimes it can seem as though there is a mountain between this channel and ourselves. This is where remembering a foreign language has invited me to be a more present observer as I watch the remembrance unfold. I remember learning certain English words when I started to talk as a child, namely the word “Biology.” I remember where I was standing in my childhood home. I remember the book upon which I saw those seven letters. And I remember the oval, glass kitchen table upon which the book sat. But as I continue to speak Spanish each new word is an actual, live, play-by-play account of how I lace my experience onto a word. I remember learning the word for spider, araña, from a child in Peru and the verb, disfrutas, to enjoy, while on a run with my Spanish brother Jose Pequeño. Remembering this language has offered me a microscopic view of each step on my Walk in Miracles. It has highlighted both separation and union. It has offered contrast and the invitation for equanimity in the obscurity.
I say all of this in light of our current section on the Last Judgment, as I open myself up to this humbling experience where at the same time I know but don’t know certain things. Right when I think I have it….I don’t. Just like right when I believe I have overcome the separation, there it is, another lesson in forgiveness. But as I am in another country, with another language, and outside of my typical routine, I am shown where I truly judge myself. No one has judged me during my time here but I sure have judged myself. I have seen where I have felt not good enough, behind everyone else, incapable, lost, uncertain, etc. As I do not know anyone here, I have also found where I want someone or something outside of myself to distract me from my own judgments, and where I have wanted someone else to tell me I was opposite of what I was thinking, someone to remind me that I am worthy, enough, and doing just fine.
This is the area where traveling alone teaches me the most. My cell phone only works on free Wi-Fi, thus I have to make an effort to connect to something or someone familiar. Yet, when moments arise when I am walking down the street, feeling less than, it is me that I must call with a gentle heart, not someone else. It is me that must remind me that I am worthy, enough, and loved. I become a self-soother in much deeper, deeper way when I travel. In my humbled moments, that sometimes do not feel so good because I am judging, I actually become stronger in my Walk With God. God shows me how close I am to the Last Judgment and how close I am to Her. She shows me how the mountain I believe I see before can be walked through with just a small walk on the Calle de Los Perdones, the Street of Forgiveness, the forgiveness for judging myself.
The signs are everywhere, on the streets we live and in the homes we dwell. Once more, I am ever grateful for a text like A Course in Miracles and for those of you walking with me on this journey. With each lesson, I am never the same. Although I may reside on the Calle de Los Perdones at the moment, I am guaranteed there is a day to come, very soon, where I will walk beyond this street, beyond the Last Judgment, where forgiveness is no longer needed, and where only Love reigns. I think I’ll keep walking until I get there. Or maybe I’ll just stop where I am and transform this very street to Calle del Amor, the Street of Love. Namaste.